August 31, 2015

Fate. The whole concept that everything happens for a reason is a funny thing. Fate is either a belief or nonbelief. There are coincidences, sure, but things go beyond coincidences. It’s more than just the pop song on the radio, that makes you think about everything going on in your life, that plays right as your pulling out of school for the summer and just as you pull into your driveway when you get home. Something within this universe, some force, causes us to make certain decisions or go down certain paths; but these paths can change at any time.

I am a very organized person. I write lists and I make plans. I am outgoing and ambitious, I know what I want and I figure out how to get it. Being a planner, however, can often get in the way of living in the moment, making decisions based on whether or not they will actually make me happy rather than get me to where I think I need to be.

I had a plan and I thought I had a house. Upon starting second semester of my sophomore year of college, my friends and I thought that we had found the perfect home to make all of our “upperclassmen” memories in. I had started to see what my life would look like as I entered my 20’s. I had friends, I was a good student, I was extremely involved and now I had laid the backdrop for visions of the years to come.

Well, we never got the house. February came and went. In March I got so consumed by the six classes I was taking that I lost time to make plans for the year ahead. By April we were scrambling to dot the i’s and cross the t’s but our plans just simply were not falling into place. I, however, could not get myself to stress out about it yet. I was so consumed by my schoolwork, and the finals week that held 6 exams and had been hanging over my head since January was quickly approaching.

The last weekend of any semester holds a lot of promise, but the last weekend of the year is always a memorable one.   I looked forward to celebrating the end of another great year with the people that, in two short years, I had come to love the most in this world. After I got through finals we would figure out the house, and I would shift my focus to the school year that would come after a long summer…and then everything changed.

A decision was made and my path was changed. I had no say in the decision, quite literally. On the afternoon of the last Thursday of my sophomore year I sat in my car and realized that everything I thought was about to come, and all the plans I thought I had, were about to change. Whether I liked it or not I had lost control of the future I thought I had already set in place. I bit my lip as I went out with my friends that night and tried my best to enjoy one of my last underclassmen experiences and marched right into the Study Abroad Office on that next Friday morning.

On Monday morning my friends sat in a meeting and found out about the “change in plans” and I went with some of my roommates to look at a new house. The same house that I’m sitting in right now as I write this, settled away in Brookland. And I leave for London in approximately 48 hours.

I got through a weekend of smiling through the tears, saying goodbye to one of my very best friends, and all 6 of my finals with my sanity semi-intact. I even managed to submit my Study Abroad application in the process. It was a very nice surprise waking up in my bed on my first morning home and getting an email telling me that I had already been accepted to study in London this Fall.

The summer in between these two very momentous chapters of my life was a very personal one. Lots of long drives with George Ezra, and three trips across the Tappan Zee; because I just can’t stay away from the Mid-Atlantic for too long.

I truly believe that we did not get that house because we weren’t supposed to get that house. Taking 6 classes amongst all of this forced me to be stuck in today, as I just had too much going on to look beyond what was going on right now.

Nineteen was probably the most influential year of my life thus far. I feel like I have finally become extremely comfortable with whom I am, and I even have the slightest idea of what I want to do with my life! I created relationships and fostered friendships with people who I know will always be in my life, no matter where my path takes me or whenever it decides to change again.

As I enter my 20th year, I am about to go live in a foreign country by myself for four months. I’m not going with anyone and I don’t have any plans. When I get there, I will see where the wind takes me. I could not be more excited and I could not be more ready, because despite all the self-growth nineteen held for me I have become complacent. This whole experience made me realize how set in my ways I was, and now its time to shake things up.

Everything that happened sucked. There is no beating around that bush, but it was supposed to happen. Some force of the universe, one that goes by the name of Fate, is pushing me across oceans and into the next beautiful chapter of my life. Those who know me know that I have a lot to say, and so that’s why I’m putting all of this out there. Everything has been hush-hush, it’s been a little awkward, and some could say I’m running away; but I assure you that is not true, I’m doing what I need to do. There’s only so much time that we have to be young and selfish and I am so very fortunate that I now get the chance to be both of those things.

Fate was always a subject I was unclear on, but now, for me, it’s a belief. Everything that I do and everywhere that I go is exactly where I’m supposed to be. What I’m doing is a little scary, but fate is the reason I’m solely excited.

This blog will be my forum for my thoughts, experiences, pictures, and anything else I want to share while I am abroad, and wherever life decides to take me after that. And so the saying goes, “some things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” Talk about relevant, amirite?

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